Settlers and the Men Who Love Them

Standards. Yes, I said it… standards. So many women in this day and age are foregoing their standards. They are trading in their standards for a white dress and the opportunity to use the phrase, “My husband said…” Women as young as 21 are settling for men who fall way below their standards. Why are so many talented and intelligent women willing to sell themselves for marriage? Why are so many women “settlers,” and yet so many men are reaching higher than what they can grasp?

I’ve seen it all. They have forsaken their single freedom and personal growth for men who are too old or too young for them; men who are jobless, education-less, emotion-less, and are just all together LESS. They are so afraid that if they don’t accept the suitor at their doorstep, they might end up alone. But little do these wide-eyed and naive girls know, that the real tragedy they are creating is a life filled with empty promises and anti-climactic endings. Will they be miserable? Maybe or maybe not. Will they be happy? Probably not. Sacrificing your dignity and self-respect can never really end well.

Listen, I am not advocating greediness or pickiness or not being realistic. No woman is ever going to find everything she is looking for in one man. And, God, if she thinks so then she really has got another thing coming.  But I think there are way too many women marrying below them and finding that they and their children are suffering because of it.

Mostly, people can adjust and accommodate one another when it comes to the little things. Jobs and be had, degrees can be earned, and even language can be learned. But how about values? How about ethics? And FYI, having the same religion or even being born and raised in the same neighborhood does not guarantee value and ethics compatibility. These are the kinda things you can only learn about a person after spending a considerable amount of time with them. You can hear it through the type of language they use, the way they interact with others and the way they deal with hostile situations.

Age. Whoever said “age ain’t nothin’ but a number”‘ must have been high or just completely overcompensating for the fact that they are getting old. Men mature later than women. We all know this. Of course there are exceptions, but overall, marrying men that are too young can be problematic. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but someday and soon… Seriously, men of all ages have a difficult time accepting their emotional and financial responsibility as a husband, and SO many of them fold under the pressure. Marriage is hard, and it’s even harder when you are not mentally and emotionally ready for the responsibility.

 One complaint I hear from women who marry men that are considerably OLDER  is that they have nothing in common. Another complaint I hear is that they are treated like children by their significant others, which means that there is a lack of respect. Opposites DO NOT attract. The expression shouldn’t be “opposites attract,” but rather “opposites are exciting at first but really lead to divorce and family dysfunction.”

I am sure so many settlers out there are reading this thinking that I have no idea what I am talking about. But I only need my observations to form my opinions… and of course my cockiness.

Disclaimer. I do wish all these women I know happiness, and for their sake, I hope I am wrong. But I found that my cynicism has gotten me much further than the gullible wishful thinking of women who settle. You know, this topic really hits home for me because I have seen so many friends and family members suffer because of the decisions they have made when choosing a spouse. Many stick with the relationship because they are scared to be alone or to change or that other people will look at them and think they’re pathetic. So they continue to live with, procreate with, and feign happiness in order to try to convince themselves that they didn’t make a mistake. 

So for those women still unmarried and still unattached, please choose carefully. Please don’t sell yourself short. You deserve a lot more than you give yourself credit for.

~~Leen J.


My Patience

My Patience – A Poem Written December 23, 2009, by Leen Jaber

I know you.
I know you from the inside.
You know me from the inside.
You’re magnificent.

You’re kind and patient.
Your touch inspires me.
Your love welcomes me.
It humbles me.

You deserve me.
I didn’t think I deserved you.
But I do. I really do.

You’re not a catalyst for negative change.
You’re not mean.
You’re not abusive.
You don’t refuse me.
You embrace me with mercy and comfort.

You’ve given me everything I’ve ever asked for, and more.
And, God, your kisses.
Your kisses take me to places that rival heaven.

I bore you two children.
And you cure my boredom.
You’re so gentle with your words, with your stare.
You made me forget the monster who changed my hope to gloom
And my innocence into something even Satan shies away from.

I found true happiness in your vows.
In your bed.
In your prayers.

When you trace your finger down my shoulder,
You speak to me without a word.
And I speak back.
And you understand.
Every whisper.
Every mumble.
Every clumsy thought.

I have no fear of the future without you.
You would die for me.
And I’d for you.

You don’t condescend my abilities.
You don’t push me away.
You respond to my requests.
You take care of me.

A four letter word could never describe how you feel about me.
“LOVE” is for children, not for us.
What we have is too rare to have ever been given a name.
No one but us has ever felt it.

You can take me anywhere.
You can lay next to me for all eternity.
And then teach me that tears aren’t only for crying.
I’ve been christened in your glow,
And have been reborn into a world that isn’t bad.

Thank you my love.
Thank you God for bringing my protector to me.
The 12 hours that has passed since I’ve seen him,
Haven’t allowed me to lose the impact of his warmth.
He’s the reality that will eventually perpetuate itself into my world.
That day is why I’m patient.

And God is with those who are patient.

Video Pick – June 8, 2010 – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – Face Down

This song relates to anyone who has been through an abusive relationship: Don’t let anyone make yo think that mental, verbal, emotional or psychological abuse isn’t abuse. That’s the number one thing abusers try to tell you. They think that just because they are man enough to NOT hit you but yet torture you in any other way, then they are great partners. Don’t fall for it and don’t let them guilt you or play on your love for them.

Enjoy the video.